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GRADUATION -- THE DRINKING GAME
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The following items are necessary for game play:
Either a spot amongst all the other graduates or a ticket for the audience.
Robe, cap, and all the other paraphernalia (if a graduation candidate).
A lot of beer.
Take a drink whenever a speaker uses the words:
- bright future - budgeting time - debt (see also below)
- deserving - drinking - endurance
- faculty - finally / at last - fond memories
- fraternity - friendship - future
- hard work - honor - interest, -ing
- job - knowledge - late nights/all-nighters
- love of learning - party - perseverance
- preparation - sacrifice - sorority
- study/studies - support - tuition
- vision - volunteer - work
Take three drinks when someone quotes:
- Lydia Moss Bradley
- Martin A. "Party Marty" Abegg
- any other former president of the university
- any of our country's Founding Fathers
- a current rock hit
Slam one whenever a speaker:
- mentions the "great debt we/you owe our/your parents."
- makes a cute remark about the length of time it takes to graduate nowadays
(eg., "your six or seven years here"), (slam and a half if that person has
been out of college for more than two years)
- makes a cute remark about how hard it is to find a job right now (slam and a
half if that person gets paid simply to be important).
- makes a serious remark about how hard it is to find a job right now.
- mentions how many National Merit Scholars there are in this graduating class.
- mentions any of the different surveys that rank colleges and universities.
- implies that college in general, and your institution in particular, is
still affordable.
Slam two whenever a speaker:
- implicitly or explicitly implies that the number of National Merit Scholars
in this class is a measure of the quality of education this class received
at your institution.
Whenever a speaker makes a comment that is completely meaningless and
obviously intended only to draw laughs, drink until the laughter dies out.
Whenever a graduate's friends and relatives are tacky enough to cheer/yell/etc.
when their name is read, drink until they stop.
Drink until you lose it whenever a speaker quotes the Grateful Dead.
When in doubt, drink.
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